“Shut that window–pull that shade:
Of ventilation I’m afraid;
Turn off that electric fan,
Start the furnace up again.
Let there be no dearth of heat.,
To make each day for me complete.
I hate fresh air and I hate cold–
On the heat, though, I am sold.
“Turn that radiator on,
Save on coal when I am gone.
Shut that skylight overhead:
Open it when I am dead.
Knit my sweater tough and strong;
Make it warm and close and long.
Hand me down my ear-muffs, too–
No telling WHAT July will do?
“On all the sports I’ve put the bans:
I like the games but not the FANS.
I gag at sight or swimming pools;
Smoke any cigarette but -KOOLS.
Take away those ice-cream cones-They
further chill my freezing bones.
Fry, if you must, in your own sweat:
I’ve never been too hot, as yet.
“The Janitors are friends of mine:
They keep it 90 all the time;
Carriers crab that they can’t work,
But what’s a CARRIER? I’m a CLERK!
They may not like my kind of clime,
But they’ll get used to it in time.
Doctor’s orders, kindly fade:
Fresh-air-fiends are BORN, not made!
“Tons of coal are thrown, each day,
(Because I can’t keep warm), away–
Let the others swelter, please,
As long as I don’t have to freeze.
Song I very much admire:
‘I Want to Set the World on Fire. ‘
But that, I think, is quite all right–
The world is wrong, and I am right.”
EPILOGUE:
Well, if the heat decides to kill us
I hope to Heck it STARTS WITH WILLIS!
And when of Hell he gets a taste, ,
I hope he’s WARM–the PANTY-WAIST!!
by Ray Romine Saturday, June 26, 1943
