Category: Women

When a woman makes a noise
Over her avoirdupois,
Be quite sure she’s underscoring
Things about her you’re ignoring.

(If she were a trifle stout
She’d die before you found it out!)

by Ray Romine Friday, January 18, 1946

“Women are laughing less in public, owing to world conditions.” …News Note.

This noise about a laughless style
I don’t regard too direly;
Milady fears more than a smile
May de-frock her entirely.

by Ray Romine Tuesday, March 28, 1950

A garish blonde in father ‘s car–
How asinine, to me, you are.
Out to impress the lesser lights,
You’re one of Nature’s parasites.

Yet, all this love you have for you
Makes other nit-wits love you too.
But how the Hell, if you are right,
Do I become a parasite?

by Ray Romine Tuesday, September 24, 1946

Man waits on trains;
He waits on busses;
He waits in dusty
Terminuses.
He waits to view
Great works of art;
He waits on games
And shows to start.
He waits on plumbers
(Waits and curses);
Waits on dentists,
Bell-hops, nurses;
He waits to eat;
For clerks to clerk;
He waits on coffee
Pots to perk.
He waits while bosses’
Axes fall;
He waits on woman
Most of all.

by Ray Romine Saturday, September 9, 1950

Female lecturers, I fear,
Have a small chance of succeeding;
Males lectured to at home
Aren’t given, much, to heeding.

And while they are not uplifting,
Won’t cure ills nor lessen bother,
Home-grown lectures show precisely
What the deuce is wrong with father.

by Ray Romine Wednesday, July 25, 1951

Oh she wes a pretty maiden,
And I fell for her right there,
With her teeth so white and pearly.
Sweet brown eyes and curly hair.

So I married that young maiden,
Now my grief is hard to bear:
Little dreamed I that she’d false teeth
One glass eye and phony hair.

by Ray Romine Thursday, January 25, 1934

Wouldn’t you think a girl would rather be attractive
Than just active?
Rather aesthetic
Than athletic?
But no–modern young woman will abandon entirely the feminine gender.
To embark on a rugged I-would-be-masculine bender.
In the sun will she slowly roast
Deserting her feminine skin-charm to resemble a section-hand or a piece of over-ripe toast.
She could get the kind of muscles that answer you back by walking to the grocery or cutting the weeds I sickle;
But it’s more fun and harder work to do it, riding a bicycle…
Attired in a pair of shorts
Which (depending on the woman) are good for either a couple of of “Woo-woos” or a brace of snorts;
It would bring forth vociferous, derisive, and outlandish
roars
If we men dashed about attired only in our droars.
Maybe she’ll take up the abomination of slacks,
Which flatter very, very few women immediately south of their backs.
Female jodhpurs be another item I consider ghastly:
How I wish Congress might do something about them, and fastly.
Yes, women get away with looking masculine, but nearly break their necks
If we males go feminine to even the extent of a pink tie
with chartreuse checks.
So far, I’ve found just one little way to get us even,
brothers:
Pass the buck and let them be both the fathers and the
mothers–

THAT should stretch their versatility,
If not their natural ability!

by Ray Romine Monday, August 2, 1943

Please, lady, Just a smattering
When it comes to attaring.

by Ray Romine Wednesday, November 8, 1950

Please, lady, Just a smattering
When it comes to attaring.

by Ray Romine Wednesday, November 8, 1950

Now there’s just one little question
That I’m asking myself now —
How the Heck can I write Jingles
When she’s on my mind- -and how!

by Ray Romine Thursday, January 25, 1934