Category: Vanity

Don’t flatter me in spurious spurts,
As subtle folks have tried to;
For while it is the truth that hurts,
Is it worse than being lied to?

by Ray Romine Tuesday, April 8, 1952

Discouraged, that new-purchased clothes
Evoke no whistles, Ah’s or Oh’s?
That the moustache, just showing through
Can’t earn itself a glance or two?
Do not give up, my laddie; try
Sporting a discolored eye.

by Ray Romine Saturday, December 1, 1951

A face that I can ne’er forget,
No matter how I try,
Is the one that from the mirror stares:
0 what a vain boy am I.

How tired I get of things each day
Seen over and over again;
Why shouldn’t I oughtta this mug of mine
Be getting sick of, then?

Well, p’raps I am, a little bit,
And maybe a change’d be welcome–
But, being male, I’ll spoil the face,
And spare the rouge and telme.

by Ray Romine Monday, April 26, 1943

Robed, towel in hand, I do not mind
Contemplating long and vastly.
Who fathers families shall find
He is the one who bathes him lastly.

by Ray Romine Tuesday, July 31, 1951

My balding dome
Less care? What bosh!
Less hair to comb-
More face to wash.

by Ray Romine Monday, November 13, 1950

My friends have all insisted I
Be photographed–I don’t know why.
My normal, natural sitting style
I learn at once, is off a mile;
The way I hold my mouth, forsooth,
Has suddenly become uncouth;
And just the way I cock my head
Fills this connoisseur with dread.
He blinds my eyes with ringside lights,
Covers his head to align his sights,
And “RELAX!” he says. His nerve I love,
But when I get a vision of
My wallet like a punctured blimp,
I don’t relax–I just go limp.

by Ray Romine Tuesday, October 16, 1951

When I’ve been told I look “distinguished,”
I’m gracious, or I hope I’ve been,
But I’m aware that my gray hair
“Distinguishes” from younger men!

by Ray Romine Saturday, January 26, 1952

While I hate being awkaard, if you’ll pardon me,
I have a confession–I don’t mind gaucherie.
Ignore my indifference, friend; kindly say
That I’m not really bored, I am only blasé.
If when dinner is served, I too quickly respond,
And you’re really discerning, I am a gourmand.
Should a major success ever dog my steps (ha!)
Say of me then I have pulled an éclat.
And should I seem kittenish, carrying on,
Don’t condemn me too quickly–I’m full of élan.
You may call me a square, a no-good, or a moron,
So you dog it up fancy by making it foron!

by Ray Romine Sunday, February 14, 1954

I will admit I’d have refused,
Though such confession may unmask me;
And yet I feel a bit abused.
The least they could have done was ask me.

by Ray Romine Monday, March 31, 1952

While candor is swell,
He rates the hook
Who says how well
I used to look.

by Ray Romine Sunday, November 18, 1951