Dear Sir, which may sound somewhat trite,
But I really can’t address you as “Dear Ogden”, as I don’t
know you that well; nor “Dear Senator”, which you are
not; and “Dear Mr. Nash” doesn’t sound right, quite:
This all started because from Sears & Roebuck we purchased
your “The Face is Familiar”,
And my wife, after her hysterics somewhat subsides, said she wondered if she could get your picture to find out what you looked like–is there anything siliar?
I mean, the idea’s silly of wanting your likeness for mantel or shelf–
Not your picture itself.
But that is only half the story, as I, too, wondered solemnly what looked a man like who down the Editors of the “Post”,
etc. could mow ’em,
Since I’ve tried and tried for years and have never sold ’em
any poem,
Nor an epic nor an ode,
Nor a jingle hot or code.
No, nor any kind of verses;
Not thinking myself such punkins a a versifier, but even
a blind sow is proverbially supposed to uncover a few silk purses;
Or does that go, out of acorns make you can not a sow’s ear?
Not that you are (he added hastily) a sow’s ear, nor anyother part of a hog, even at 85 1/2ยข a lb, but if you should so like one look, like one, too, would I appear;
For, of all things accursed,
Unfulfilled ambition’s the worst.
Ask me: I carry a lot of silly mail to a scad of Marion’s
best people, daily,
And am I happy? NOl– since I was old enough to know better,
I’ve wanted to sound like Dorothy Parker or Berton
Braley;
And of course it’s a lot of fun amusing oneself with such
verse-creation,
But one is inclined to measure one’s worth by the remuneration.
Well, I can still be a fan
Of a far, far better man–
And, since we’ve never run into you socially, as on our
radio or at a lecture,
Ask for your pecture!
Will your forehead be higher, or lower, or flatter?
Your likeness may tell me just what is my matter.
But I fear it’s no question of features, shape, color, expression, beauty, or sect,
But rather a matter of intellect,
Which, in a picture, show doesn’t always–
Still, it may give me some inkling of your key to Fame’s
Hallways.
As for me, all of one bedroom and full half of the garage
is papered with slips of rejection–
Tell me, can you recall when you had similar sordid collection?
If’ you’ll send us & photo, we’ll send you the postage,
Or ship our small daughter to hold as a hostage;
But ship us your likeness. and don’t ~ay you cen’t, sir,
With two of your public awaiting an answer!
(A trifle blearily,)
But most sincearily,
Ray Romine
954 Westwood Drive
Marlon, Ohio
P.S. Here you make sort of living with verses,
And comes a fan-letter filled with feeble attempt at same–
A plethora of curses!!
“Finished” 4-13-43
Minor additions 7-11-43,
And mailed to O. N. !
by Ray Romine Sunday, July 11, 1943