Category: Health

Recital of the ills and such
Affecting Jones–or you–or Smith
Bore me, I find, almost as much
As those ills I’m afflicted with.

by Ray Romine Thursday, February 1, 1951

If he had used a dentrifice
Proof against decay or kiss;
Had all his salads been hem-stitched,
And every slice of bread enriched;
If he had kept his eyes from glare,
Or used the right stuff on his hair;
If his coffee’d had the kick removed;
And all his beef been stamped Approved;
If he had had his dandruff stayed,
Or used the proper razor-blade,
Or smoked a filtered cigarette–
Methuselah might be here yet!

by Ray Romine Thursday, September 25, 1952

A fellow in the room next door
Just dropped his dishes on the floor;
Two nurses, pausing in the hall,
Discuss profoundly last night’s brawl;
Some unselfish he or she
Shares a radio with me;
What was an earthquake is instead
Their wheeling by another bed.
Thru open windows, dogs do bark,
And neighbor’s kiddies loudly lark;
And from the kitchen, pots and pans
Tangle with the garbage cans.
This is a decent imitation,
Admit it, of Grand Central Station.
And everywhere throughout the riot
Hang signs that vainly plead for QUIET!!

by Ray Romine Wednesday, April 14, 1954

MD’s and nurses own me now;
Here is the rest I’m needing.
I’ll catch up on some things, I vow,
And that includes my reading.

I’ll lie abed, I will, till noon;
I’ll have my meals served therein;
I’ll make being here the sort of boon
That friends will want to share in.

But being truthful, I’ll confess
Of those results I’m reaping
There seems to be a whopping mess
Of nothing much but sleeping!

by Ray Romine Friday, April 16, 1954

I sometimes think that never blows so red
The nose as where the summertime has fled…

by Ray Romine Saturday, November 5, 1949

A host of diseases are lying in wait,
But don’t let them worry you, will you?
For it’s never the one you anticipate
That’s sure, in the end, to kill you .

by Ray Romine Saturday, May 12, 1945

The doctor said to gargle,
So it’s trying to I’ll be.
And if you hear strange noises
From the bathroom–Why that’s me.

I could never learn to gargle
And I’ve tried so many times–
Yet I down the darndest messes
And take pills as large as dimes.

But gargling seems to get me;
I don’t know the reason why.
Still, the doctor said to gargle,
So I’d better go and try.

by Ray Romine Sunday, January 1, 1933

Martin Lucindus Gedunk, MD,
Took his feet from his desk and regarded me
As he would have a germ beneath his lens,
Or an escapee from the cattle pens.

“You don’t live right!” His thunderous roar
Unnerved me completely. “And furthermore–“
I pleaded guilty; he sentenced me
To a diet of little besides weak tea.

Then he added., to insult, an injury
Which I called a fine and which he termed “fee”.
And, still without laughter upon his face,
He waved me out, and proclaimed “Next case!”

by Ray Romine Tuesday, May 8, 1951

I’m lying in my little bed
With reddish nose and stopped-up head;
My eyes are blurred; my ears are tinny;
The walls contract; the room is spinny;
My joints all ache; my skin is tender;
Resistance must be on a bender.
The bathrooms much too far, my dear;
Kindly bring it over here.
And if you once more mention food,
I swear I’ll utter something lewd–
And while I’m talking, one thing more:
Avoid that pat expression, for
A “touch of flu” can make me bawl–
A touch, my eye–I got it ALL!

by Ray Romine Sunday, September 7, 1952

I face my dentist, full of dread.
My books, my friends, insist it’s mental;
No doubt my trouble Is in my head,
But term it, if you don’t mind, dental.

by Ray Romine Wednesday, April 15, 1953