There are those who’ll tell you that only two things in this world are sure–death and taxes;
But I’ve just had all my teeth pulled, above and below, and I’ve discovered something that that hard and fast rule sort of kills, or at least relaxes:
For if you ask me if I have a time, now, getting food enough in the stomach, you’re certainly humming:
I really don’t know for sure if I’m going or gumming!
Naturally I can sort of half-mangle a soft-solid, such as
a strawberry,
Or maybe even a potato, if it’s not raw very.
Take my advice, and don’t ever pick the summer-time to have your teeth out,
For, in winter, there aren’t so many good things to eat
lying around to have to do weethoutl
Please regard me as anything but boasting here,
When I say it’s tough to be without teeth in the season of the roasting-ear.
It’s hard to get your mind on even the war, with its Nazi-bombin’ and Jap-shellin’,
When you’d give anything Just to have a tooth to sink to the hilt in a Juicy watermelon.
You simply can’t imagine what teeth mean to the human system
Until you’ve mystem.
But, to get back to that other sure thing besides death and taxes, be it goodish or baddish–
I regard it as quite positive that you cannot GUM:a RADISH!
by Ray Romine Saturday, June 19, 1943