Author: Ray Romine

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You Should–definitely

Try August for picnics; try August for sales.
The month is a tonic for whatever ails.
It’s easy to eat oneself into a stupor;
Try August’s tomatoes; her sweet corn is super.
August is heady and hard to resist;
She’s a maiden with lips pursed who waits to be kissed.
You’ve sampled the others: May, June and July–
Now give our brand, August, a bit of a try!

by Ray Romine Tuesday, May 13, 1952

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You Only Get It Working At It

In an effort to stifle a creditor,
I sent some verses to ‘n editor,
Who mailed them back with a little note:
“Get yourself a name first, son”, he wrote.

So I called on several more Eds., in person,
And each a little than the last was worse’n–
“I’d like to, lad, but I wouldn’t durst–
You’re a bit raw: get some experience first.”

Experience, dear editors, is what I crave–
But ADVICE is all that you guys me gave:
Some more advice, please, to me impart–
Just how does an EDITOR GET HIS START?

written in 15 minutes at bedtime…

by Ray Romine Saturday, May 1, 1943

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You Jump There, And I’ll Leap Year!

Goodbye, goodbye to February.
I can’t say I’m sorry, very.
This year, you had 9 and 20–
Your 28 is always plenty!
One more day of colds and shivers;
One more day for torpid livers;
One day more until it’s spring
And all those posies May should bring.
Another day for Winter’s tricks;
One more day for the makers of Vick’s.
Should Leap-year make it necessary
To hang a day on February?–
That extra day might be a boon
If tacked onto, shall we say, JUNE?

by Ray Romine Thursday, March 2, 1944

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You Can, Lady, You Can

“Oh to write like this Miss D”
(Better known as Emily),
She cried, in best trochaic time ,
“I can’t two lines together rhyme.”

You’re doing all right, lady; see,
Neither could your Emily…
Your cats don’t have to all be Persians
If you go in for bad inversions…
Get in everybody’s hair!
Have a phantom love-affair…
Avoid what looms as controversial,
Regard a sale as too commercial–

With these traits, you ‘ ll blunder on
Recognition–when you’re gone…

by Ray Romine Monday, October 14, 1946

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You Can’t Win, Almost

Come hell-or-high-water, come flood-tide, or parch,
I see by the papers we’re well into March.

My dotter approaches her mummy and doddy
With “Greetings–what shall I do with the body?”

After we both have choked, and regained our breath, it
Is clear that she wanted to know how to dreath it;

Will her shoes alone do it, or wear the galoshes?
(Anything but a shoe that squishes and squashes);

Should she take an umbrella and rain-coat, or not?
Will it snow and turn colder, or warm up, or what?

Which coat should she wear, which hat, and which mittens?
For March is as playful as six little kittens.

“Just remember there is a blizzard reclining
Over the hill, though the sun may be shining;

“So, over your prettiest bathingest suit
Wear winter clothes, and a slicker to boot.

“Though this is a bore when you want to go gadding,
You can bamboozle March by subtracting or adding.”

by Ray Romine Friday, March 31, 1944

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You Can Lead A Horse To Water

I cannot love the too-frank ad
Which tells me that my breath is bad;
I hope commercials come to harm
Which bleat about my underarm–
And, also in this same connection,
A pox on who pans my complexion,
Teeth and gums and messy hair,
The shrinkage of my underwear,
The tame vacations that I choose,
The way I shave, my shineless shoes.
When will ad-men start realizing
“Ad” doesn’t symbolize advising?

by Ray Romine Saturday, August 18, 1951