If he had used a dentrifice
Proof against decay or kiss;
Had all his salads been hem-stitched,
And every slice of bread enriched;
If he had kept his eyes from glare,
Or used the right stuff on his hair;
If his coffee’d had the kick removed;
And all his beef been stamped Approved;
If he had had his dandruff stayed,
Or used the proper razor-blade,
Or smoked a filtered cigarette–
Methuselah might be here yet!
by Ray Romine Thursday, September 25, 1952
